I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
