I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
