i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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