Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can you bring me the toilet please
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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