It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
