Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
