Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
