did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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