ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
