I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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