so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
