just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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