Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
