So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't special order awesome
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
