Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
