It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
