called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
where are you?
Hypothermia
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
