I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
