Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We left the knife in your bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
