Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
