She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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