I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
