girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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