It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
