drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
