I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
