we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
