I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
