insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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