Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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