she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
