I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
