I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
