the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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