I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
