Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
