Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
