i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
