Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
