i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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