when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
