Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
