She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
