did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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