Swine flu. Run for my life!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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