Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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