grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
