Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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