how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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