if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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