p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
