No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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