a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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