Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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