There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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