Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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