We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
