As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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