it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
