Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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