no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
