I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
