it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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