apparently the secret to your success is patron
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
