I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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