she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
