Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
