I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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