Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
