My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize