have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
