at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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